Read it here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/siddharthav/boy-dies-after-masturbating-42-times-50gb there's also some stuff about him on youtube. 42 times in one night? what a way to go! seriously, how do they know how many times he masturbated? was someone counting? let this be a lesson to you! limit your wanking to 41 times!… 続きを読む

A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually. A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank… 続きを読む

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the man farts and says, “Seven Points.” His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?” The man replied, “It’s fart football… I just scored.” A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.” After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead 14 to 7.” Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, “Touchdown, tie score.” Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, “Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.” Now the pressure’… 続きを読む

One day a *********** came running into her house yelling, “Mommy, I got five dollars!” The mother was curious, so she asked her c***d where she got the five dollars from. The *********** replied, ”Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree. The mother told her daughter, “Don’t you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties.” ”OOOOhhhh” said the ***********. The next day the *********** came running into the house yelling, “Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, “Where did you get the ten dollars from?” The *********** repl… 続きを読む

A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, "There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a smile, but later she laughs. The doctor says, "What's so funny?" She says, "I'm imagining how they make condoms."… 続きを読む

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick."… 続きを読む

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"… 続きを読む

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"… 続きを読む

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner when her daughter walks in. “Mom, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” She seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my d… 続きを読む

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."… 続きを読む

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock Cause Jill's real name is Randy… 続きを読む

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 1… 続きを読む

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls? A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? A: Your job still sucks! Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job! Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist! Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A: a $100 bill! Q: Whats long and hard and has cum in it? A: a cucumber Q: How do you kill a circus clown? A: Go… 続きを読む

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job." As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I w… 続きを読む

Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one. If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head? Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong. Hi, do you want to have my c***dren? [No] OK, can we just practice then? Do you live on a chicken farm? [No] You sure know how to raise cocks. There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus. That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it? My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass? That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too. You're like my little to… 続きを読む

You look familiar, have we had sex before? Are you a lumberjack? Cuz you're giving me wood! Roses are red, misquitos are sour, open your legs and give me an hour. Motion with one finger for a girl to come to you. When, or if she comes, say: I just made you come with one finger. Imagine what I could do with two. Find a girl at the bar, walk over to her, and say "you put the 'hot ass' in my shot glass. Guy pulls out a quarter"if i flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?" If you were floor boards i would take out all the nails and screw you. I want to kiss your belly button… 続きを読む

Are those fuck me eyes, or fuck you eyes? Are those space pants you're wearing? Because your ass is out of this world. Believe it or not, gettin' laid is still hard when you're this good-looking. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? She will say, "Why?" You will reply, "Cause I could see myself in your pants. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch? Do you know what would look good on you? Me. Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I? Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package. Excuse me, I… 続きを読む

To masturbate means to stimulate yourself in a sexual way.This can be done by hand, or with sex aids some highly-sexed women can even do it by rubbing their thighs together. And a tiny minority of women can do it with no genital contact at all, but simply through caressing their breasts.Such stimulation often leads to orgasm, but not invariably, as many women enjoy stroking themselves and experiencing pleasure that does not necessarily culminate in a climax.For some women, it's not enough to just use their fingers they like to use sex aids as well. A vibrator may be u… 続きを読む

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you moan and groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you. And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days. All my love, The Flu (Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot.)… 続きを読む