Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: 1. 29 have been accused of spousal abuse 2. 7 have been arrested for fraud 3. 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 4. 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses 5. 3 have done time for assault 6. 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit 7. 14 have been arrested on d**g-related charges 8. 8 have been arrested for shoplifting 9. 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits 10. 84 have been arrested for dru… 続きを読む

Q. How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb? A. Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."… 続きを読む

The man: "God, how long is a million years?" God: "To me, it's about a minute." The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?" God: "To me it's a penny." The man: "God, may I have a penny?" God: "Wait a minute."… 続きを読む

Q. What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A. About three pounds, including the urn.… 続きを読む

USA Senior Health Care Solution So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, k**ney, lungs, heart? All covered. And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. P… 続きを読む

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. "Do you enjoy it?" The doctor asked. "Actually, yes, I do." "Does it hurt you?" he asked. "No. I rather like it." "Well, then," the doctor continued, "there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. "What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?" "Of course," the doctor replied, "Where do you think politicians c… 続きを読む

Lady: Do you drink? Man: Yes Lady: How much a day? Man: Three 6 packs Lady: How much per 6 pack Man: about $10.00 Lady: And how long have you been drinking? Man: 15 years Lady: So 1 6 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct? Man: Correct Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct? Man: Correct Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't drank, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and… 続きを読む

"it's too big" he says. And the winner is.... Jonah Falcon, a 42-year-old actor with a 9-inch penis (13.5 inches hard). Something's fishy here, doesn't seem as big as some of the ones on this site! Read the story at http://www.thedailyb**st.com/articles/2013/05/06/it-s-too-big-meet-jonah-falcon-the-man-with-the-world-s-largest-penis.html ps: i looked at this after i posted it, the 2 asetrisks in the url should be the letters ea. Don't know why it keeps doing that.… 続きを読む

Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars." Husband : "How about the ones like mine?" Wife : "Those they gave away." Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand." Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?" Husband : "That's where they held the auction… 続きを読む

There are four kinds of sex : HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room. BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom. HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU" COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.… 続きを読む

The Pastor's Ass The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local… 続きを読む

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman. The priest asked, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" Yes, Father it is. And who was the woman you were with? I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation. Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti? I cannot say. Was it Teresa Volpe? I'll never tell. Was it Nina Capeli? I'm sorry but I cannot name her. Was it Cathy Piriano? My lips are sealed. Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then? Please, Father, I canno… 続きを読む

A bus stops and this old lady gets off and complains to the driver, "I was sexually harassed!" And the driver thinks nothing of it. The bus comes to another stop. Another old lady gets off and complains to the driver, "I was sexually harassed!" And the driver thinks nothing of it. Then the bus comes to another stop and this old man gets off and says to the driver, "I lost my taupe and thought I found it twice then realized mine is parted down the side, and the two I saw were parted down the middle!"… 続きを読む

FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW! If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)… 続きを読む