hamsterhammond

Hi. My name is Richard. You might think you know me, but you don't know the real me...
You see, one of my best friends, Jeremy, likes to bully me about my size. He says that he'd never met a 'hamster hung like a shrew' before he met me. And for my 'Mini', as he mockingly calls it, he has ordered me to create a humiliating profile on a porn website. He had it researched, and felt Xhamster would be the most appropriate choice. He even came up with my username...

Anyway, one thing that he stipulated was that I must take a picture of my 'mini', and post the photo on-line before he buggers me again... He's a big boy, and it really hurts if I have to test drive a car the day after... The only time I remember hurting more, was when I had my accident! That just wasn't funny... I nearly became an Ex-Hamster. However, I don't mind being fed his goo orally - Straight from my wife, or straight from his big gun-barrel. Well, I am at the right height to fellate the fella, after all...

It's only Mr May that can take Jeremy's dong in his exhaust pipe, and get away with it. You see, the whole 'captain slow' moniker is just one of those sarcastic names (like 'Little John' of Robin Hood fame) because that long-haired sissy sure rides him Rodeo style! I do like my Americana...

Hey, while I'm here, I would like to express interest in finding a gay couple (not too big!...) to help prepare me for my next TV show: Celebrity Spit-roast. My agent, says it's far too cruel to put a hamster into the 'Jungle'. I've got to trust her, even though she's my wife and she cuckolds me with 'big J' all the time... Aww, who am I kidding? I love it most of all!...

Chums, if you're good, then I may post some stories about the secret goings on behind the scenes at the track, about how I tackle Jeremy's monster, and the best thing about doing a spit-swap with Mr. Button's jizz... Too much?... Oh, my dear muggles! You don't know the half of it!!

Chou babies, the new Lexus has arrived... Byee x