jelly-bean1

I am new to this whole thing … I’m not entirely sure what to include in this or how fully to go about explaining who I am to whomever may come across this profile; however I will do my best.

I’ve only recently started peering out of my ever so dark and hidden closet. In an attempt to live an authentic and happy life, I am trying my hardest to live honestly & to love fully. To step out of my comfort zone and allow myself to be vulnerable again. I have had my heart broken in to so many pieces I am still scrambling, trying to piece those all back together, but slowly I am regaining parts of me that I forgot even existed. I am finally strong enough to accept that it’s time … time to move on and try to start living again.

I am trying to live an authentic life, which for me, starts with not pretending to be anyone other than the Real Me … even though I am still trying to figure out who the real me is, it’ll always be a work in progress … but for now, this is where I am and this is who I am.

My whole life I’ve been hiding; hiding from the world; hiding from the true and honest, real me….

It’s not until the world goes to sleep that I have enough courage to explore the real me – I explore online being the true me and for a couple hours I feel almost whole. But at the same time I feel immensely dejected and jaded. It makes me wonder if living these few hours as me is even worth it, because the thoughts of returning to the masked me is daunting and ever so exhausting.

I am vulnerable – but I am strong.

I am emotional – but I am stable. I can sometimes get attached very easily and become somewhat clingy but I still like, rather Love, my personal space and time apart too.

I LOVE to Cuddle!! And Snuggle!! And to just be close. Unfortunately I have lacked a lot of intimacy (emotional & physical) and closeness in my past (and currently in my present – which is something that I carry with me), and therefore I crave it, I need it, I want it … probably to an unrealistic level. It’s also something I am working on – to try and manage my reality and expectations.

As you may have guessed, by reading thus far, I do have some major trust issues. And therefore, it can often times take me a while to open up ... I am a little shy as well, so that doesn't often help. So sorry, if you think I'm uninterested or lame, I'm only just getting my feet wet here and I'm trying to muster up the courage to have a conversation and just say Hello!

I am not perfect, nor do I profess to be … I simply long for friendship, love, companionship - I long to be held, and to hold someone in return. To feel safe, happy, content and whole!

I have no expectations here really; I’m simply reaching out, stepping out of my comfort zone, peering out of my ever so dark & hidden closet … to see what I may find. I may find nothing, or I might find some great friendships - who knows, I might even find myself.

I am open and friendly, a little shy, but open and so far, the feeling has been a little freeing!!

Just a little Note:

I am not a fan of 'dic pics' and I'm really not into the whole Male genitalia anyways, hence the whole Lesbian thing ha-ha ... I don't want to come off as mean or anything, but at this time I am just really not interested in friend-ing any guys (any more) ... it's really not what I want to be spending my time on; it's no offense to the guys, I'm sure there's some great ones out there, I'm just really not interested at this time and juncture. Thank you for your understanding!!