With the renovations on our house pretty much finished, which had up until then kept me busy since losing my job, I was hit withe the perfect storm of idleness as Conn had been transferred to Cork as part of his training and then my party buddies in Jo and Noreen had both become pregnant at pretty much the same time. Both these pregnancies were strange in themselves as Jo privately admitted that she had no idea who the father was and Noreen who was still very much in a relationship with ex cellmate girlfriend refused point blank to reveal the fathers identity. Either way both of them sensibly… 続きを読む

Sex with Connor was now non existent and was nothing to do with why we got married, I was always knew that Conn would need something that I was unable to give. At first he would try and hide it away and go off and meet guys in car parks or wherever but I would know as soon as he came home that he had been with someone. This used to really bother me as I was worried for him that he would end up meeting the wrong guy and something awful would happen. I pleaded with him not to do it or at the very least bring the guys back to ours but he refused point blankly and wouldn't really discuss the issue… 続きを読む

I haven't updated my story for a bit and part of the reason for this is laziness but the main reason is that I have come to the part of my story which is deeply personal to me as it covers a part of my life that maybe does not require to be written down, its also a part of my life that I have talked extensively about with my psychologist so I have decided to move on about 18 months and pick up the story then. Anyhow 18 month on myself and Conn have married and have moved into the home of Conn's deceased Grandmother in a pretty nice part of Dublin. The house itself is in need of modernising an… 続きを読む

It took me a few days to process in my mind the whole Conn thing but when I had I sat him down and tried to get him to open up and talk to me. At first it was complete denial but I think after I told him all about Noreen he eventually admitted what he had never admitted to anyone before. The poor soul was a bundle of angst and torment and I vowed to myself to do whatever I could to help him. Sometimes its the little stupid things we do that have the biggest effects and what this was with Conn happened a few weeks after our heart to heart when we were sitting in a pub having a drink when I turn… 続きを読む

Without the d**gs and despite the cleaning boredom became my biggest enemy and for a while I took to walking the streets of Dublin, after a couple of months of this I found that I had developed the unique ability to know where everything was and how to get there without actually knowing where anything was or what anything was called if that makes any sense. Despite the excitement of my daily hikes I knew that I needed to find a job. Now you would think having grown up on a farm with hard working parents that working would be second nature to me but alas no that particular trait must have passe… 続きを読む

The first couple of months in Dublin I spent getting clean (cleanish), the methadone program the doctors had put me on made we just so sick that I pretty much did it cold turkey with a lot of help from Connor of course. I say cleanish as obviously i was not mad enough to give up the weed and I did still treat myself to a line every now and then to cheer me up from what was a rough month or so. Being clean meant I had a lot of time on my hands but I did not yet feel strong enough to venture out into the world to get a job so I spent my time pretty much cleaning the apartment. Day after day I w… 続きを読む

Whilst in hospital they had done a full set of STI tests on me which was the first time I had had them done, when you consider I had been working as a prostitute for the last couple of years and had been very sexually promiscuous for years beforehand, this was madness that it had taken me so long to get checked. It took me a while to get the results as I had to transfer doctors and there was a delay getting the notes/results transferred but when the results came back I had tested positive for Chlamydia and gonorrhea. I sat stunned looking at the doctor but she confirmed that i had gotten lucky… 続きを読む

Such was the madness of my life that a few hours after leaving a hospital I was in a car with a plastic bag containing my few worldly possessions heading to Dublin with a man I barely knew. Connor was going back to Dublin to work in his families business and to encourage him to do this his parents had bought a two bedroom apartment fairly close to the city centre which was going to be home for the next couple of years. Connor was one of these people that I found it easy to get on with as he loved to chat and he just seemed to know lots of stuff without coming across as a know all. He also was… 続きを読む

Connor was a year older than me and came from a fairly successful family from Dublin, he had spent his school years in an exclusive boarding school just outside Limerick. The boarding school prep had left its mark as you would struggle to find a better turned out guy. On finishing his schooling Connor had enrolled in a business law degree in the university of Limerick where it was expected he would join the family firm when finished. Unfortunately for Connor he had no real interest in doing this as he had a deep burning desire to join the Gardai. So while he was going through university he j… 続きを読む

Although I knew I needed to change I was trapped in a cycle of my own addiction but also of that of Mikes and as he was the only person keeping me from being on the streets his needs were an important consideration. My earning power was further tested when Johnny arrived and as he was keeping his head down from the police he ended up staying 3 months, thankfully minus his skank who had apparently gone off to be dopey with someone else. So I continued plying my trade around Pery Square in Limerick most nights from Thursday to Sunday hail, rain or shine. As there was not many people living aro… 続きを読む

The next year or so was pretty much a write off, looking back now I struggle to comprehend how detached from life I became. The desire for the d**gs, and by this stage I was taking anything I could get my hands on, became all consuming. I missed events such as births of my first niece and nephew, despite the issues with my parents the invites to christenings and one of my brothers wediings went unanswered. But perhaps the most telling event on how self centred the d**gs make you was that I missed the trial that saw Noreen sent to prison for 4 years for her possessing d**gs. To this day it stil… 続きを読む

I luckily made it through the summer without getting arrested and was kind of relieved when Frank took me south again. Myself and Frank were pretty much finished at this stage but to his credit he was still supporting me but I could see the pity or perhaps it was disgust in his eyes when he looked at me as although he liked me to dress up and act like a hooker he obviously didn't actually want to be with a real one. He didn't stay with me that year instead he pressed a couple of hundred euros into my hand and left without a word, the message clearly being that we had reached the end of the roa… 続きを読む

My first night on the street lasted until my first punter had finished with me, I had been about to go home as I was getting tired standing there being stared at as car after car slowed so that the single occupant could stare at me before driving off. Eventually one stopped, I tried to appear confident as I lent in and we agreed a price of 35 Euros. He drove me round the corner to a deserted car park he had a pass for and once the sensor lights switched off we got down to business. I sucked him as agreed till he was hard then he climbed between my legs as I lay back on the reclined front sea… 続きを読む

I was so sick after my first dabble with heroin that I vowed never to do it again. Predictably a fortnight later one of the guys in the house was shooting me up where I had an equally bad reaction to it. To any sensible person that would have been that but for a reason I can no longer remember or perhaps I never worked out I persevered with it until my bit on the side Johnny showed me how to smoke it. From that moment I was blown away and couldn't get enough of it. Johnny now became my dealer and I started hanging around more and more with him and the dirty blonde skank he was always with. Th… 続きを読む

I don't have any excuse to as to why I did it. I hadn't been abused or neglected as a c***d, although I was a bit mad I was a fairly intelligent individual and I was well aware of the magnitude of my decision but still there I was a week before heading off to teaching college sitting on the floor of the bong house pulling the belt wrapped round my arm as tightly as I could. And as Angie pierced my skin with the needle I knew I was doing it only because I wanted too. With a gasp I went on to the roller coaster before spewing the contents of my stomach everywhere.… 続きを読む

I had to park Noreen's issues as soon after my leaving certificate exams started, I did quite well (not as well as I should have) but when they were finished I was glad that chapter of my life was over and now I turned my attention to helping the love of my life deal with the next chapter of hers. Noreen was lucky in that she was released on bail but after speaking with her lawyer he told her that whatever way she played it she should expect a custodial sentence. I was with her in Galway when she received this news and while I was devastated by the news she seemed strangely calm about it.… 続きを読む

With my time at school rapidly coming to an end my thoughts and energy started to be consumed by what or more specifically where I would I go next. I still had a hankering to take up ************** teaching in Limerick but my parents were not budging in their refusal to fund this. Many a battle was had but they were not for turning and the reality was that our relationship was nearly at the end of the road and they did not have the interest in helping me out after what I had put them through. Help came to me unexpectedly one Sunday afternoon, I was under the covers of Frank's bed sucking… 続きを読む

Shortly after the accident while lying in the hospital bed I had a visit from the older brother of the guy that had been driving the car, I had seen him around town and I knew he was a bit of a nasty character, Johnny was his name and although he was being nice and sweet to me the message was clear as to what would happen to me if I told the police who had been driving the car, I pointed out the fact that his rat of a brother had ran off and left us and he deserved to go to jail for that but the message was re-iterated to me that I was to keep quiet. I told the guy to fuck off and that I would… 続きを読む

So into my final year of school I went, I had come to the conclusion that as I actually liked going to school that perhaps being a school teacher was something I should consider to take up when I finished. The issue with this was it would mean me moving down to Limerick which would also require me have some means to support myself. When I spoke to my parents about this they ruled it out completely, it seemed that while they had been perfectly willing to support all my brothers in their individual endeavours this was not going to be extended to the wild c***d. I was pissed at this but I suppose… 続きを読む

The summer after my ************* Frank asked if I would go away on holiday with him, I didn't see any issue with this and readily agreed. The trouble began when I had to go to my mother to get a copy of my birth cert in order to obtain a passport, to say they went mad at the prospect of me going away was putting it mildly. The whole thing became messy when they called the police and made accusations of u******e sex which poor Frank had to answer after getting dragged out of his house early one morning. I found it all very hard to take as they had had so little to do with me and my upbringing… 続きを読む